Top Ten Reasons John Kerry Won't Win the Presidential Election...

1. He still won't admit his public speaking teacher was Ben Stein.
2. His best friend is Michael Moore.
3. He is actually Ralph Nader in disguise.
4. He still thinks his service records are more important than the war on terrorism.
5. His 2nd cousin, once removed, is Mary Carey.
6. Bush unintentionally acts stupid; Kerry unintentionally IS stupid.
7. The nickname Dubbya sounds cooler than Eff (John F. Kerry).
8. God, the decider of fates, is most certainly a Republican.
9. His wife is most likely one of many (the rest are in Vietnam).
10. Kerry always acts like he has a stick up his butt.